When I was 17, I was prescribed alprazolam for the excessive anxiety I was experiencing. Because I knew Alprazolam is pretty addictive. I decided to only use it in case of emergency. This meant I needed to do something about the anxiety I was experiencing throughout the day and especially at the end of the day when I was physically exhausted after school. I had been experiencing depersonalization and derealization since I was about 15- 16 because of panic attacks, partially triggered by cannabis. I say partially because I had been suppressing existential dread from the start of puberty. Now I thank the cannabis for triggering this massive signal because I otherwise would’ve found out much later. I had nightmares of the shadow, which Carl Jung talks a lot about. Because I have ADHD, I became invincible upon realizing that through lucid dreaming I’m able to concur the shadow of my dreams. The funny part is that I’d tell them their life is worthless because they’re just a fragment of my imagination. I started embodying the monster, which was representing my existential dread of growing up, without ever even realizing it. This meant my ticket to pleasure island, facing the chaos and starting to feel emotions again since dpdr gave me absolutely no sense of control and a lot of anxiety. From going to neverland to being stuck on pleasure island, I was completely lost in this vast and vile world. This was when I was 17, being prescribed Alprazolam and learning this chaos drained my adrenal gland causing me to be at the edge of experiencing psychotic symptoms. I wanted to have an alternative to alprazolam, so I came across this beautiful forum. Kava has absolutely changed my life. It has taught me how to feel the earth with my feet again, accept my mortality, be happy with this world and especially find peace within myself. Puberty is a traumatic event that snatches you from the magical neverland you thought was earth, which you love and feel safe on and throws you into this vast, vile void where your position and purpose is so tiny small you have absolutely no protection from nor control of. No wonder people flee to the pleasure island or make their own version of neverland within this world. I want to thank kava and especially the great people on this forum, for it is the reason for my happiness, for it showed me the way to inner love and purpose. It’s the reason for the many interests I have today, especially psychology and philosophy. I love reading every post, knowing this one root connects so many different people over the whole world, words can’t describe how amazing this is. During the summer holidays I went to Seville and got my first tattoo of a pacific turtle as resemblance of my gratitude towards this journey and today I received my first Fijian tanoa! This tanoa radiated so much value to me, I felt like sharing my gratefulness on this forum. Again, I thank you all and this sacred root! I hope you have a great day, bula!