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Appreciation thread

Discussion in 'Kava and Spirituality / Mindfulness' started by Krunkonaut, Dec 7, 2019.

  1. Krunkonaut

    Krunkonaut The life of a kavaholic

    When I was 17, I was prescribed alprazolam for the excessive anxiety I was experiencing. Because I knew Alprazolam is pretty addictive. I decided to only use it in case of emergency. This meant I needed to do something about the anxiety I was experiencing throughout the day and especially at the end of the day when I was physically exhausted after school. I had been experiencing depersonalization and derealization since I was about 15- 16 because of panic attacks, partially triggered by cannabis. I say partially because I had been suppressing existential dread from the start of puberty. Now I thank the cannabis for triggering this massive signal because I otherwise would’ve found out much later. I had nightmares of the shadow, which Carl Jung talks a lot about.

    Because I have ADHD, I became invincible upon realizing that through lucid dreaming I’m able to concur the shadow of my dreams. The funny part is that I’d tell them their life is worthless because they’re just a fragment of my imagination. I started embodying the monster, which was representing my existential dread of growing up, without ever even realizing it. This meant my ticket to pleasure island, facing the chaos and starting to feel emotions again since dpdr gave me absolutely no sense of control and a lot of anxiety.

    From going to neverland to being stuck on pleasure island, I was completely lost in this vast and vile world. This was when I was 17, being prescribed Alprazolam and learning this chaos drained my adrenal gland causing me to be at the edge of experiencing psychotic symptoms. I wanted to have an alternative to alprazolam, so I came across this beautiful forum.

    Kava has absolutely changed my life. It has taught me how to feel the earth with my feet again, accept my mortality, be happy with this world and especially find peace within myself. Puberty is a traumatic event that snatches you from the magical neverland you thought was earth, which you love and feel safe on and throws you into this vast, vile void where your position and purpose is so tiny small you have absolutely no protection from nor control of. No wonder people flee to the pleasure island or make their own version of neverland within this world.

    I want to thank kava and especially the great people on this forum, for it is the reason for my happiness, for it showed me the way to inner love and purpose. It’s the reason for the many interests I have today, especially psychology and philosophy. I love reading every post, knowing this one root connects so many different people over the whole world, words can’t describe how amazing this is.

    During the summer holidays I went to Seville and got my first tattoo of a pacific turtle as resemblance of my gratitude towards this journey and today I received my first Fijian tanoa! This tanoa radiated so much value to me, I felt like sharing my gratefulness on this forum.

    Again, I thank you all and this sacred root! I hope you have a great day, bula!

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  2. Gourmet Hawaiian Kava

    Gourmet Hawaiian Kava Kava Expert Kava Vendor

    What a wonderful story, thanks so much for sharing it with us. I am glad you found kava, it is a great plant. I do not know what I would do without it.
    Nice tanoa too, I like the carvings on it. Aloha from Hawaii.

    Chris
  3. Kapmcrunk

    Kapmcrunk The Kaptain of Crunk KavaForums Founder

    We're all pieces in the kava puzzle. Every one of us found kava as something special, and by sharing our love for it, we honor it. Kava IS something special. Thank you for sharing this. Sharing overcoming your struggles will certainly resonate with lurkers we'll likely never know.
  4. Krunkonaut

    Krunkonaut The life of a kavaholic

    Thank you for the kind replies! It would be amazing if this resonates with lurkers, though not too many because I still like my kava affordable hahaha.:D Either way, I'm proud to be part of the kava puzzle!
  5. shane1717

    shane1717 Member

    Happy to hear kava has helped you.. But also sorry you've had to experience what you have. I also had major dp and was psychotic like symptoms. It sounds like I was dealing with a lot of the same issues as you were. I suplose things are meant to happen to teach us things, i try to see the gift in it all. How has kava helped your thought processes? Just curious
    Krunkonaut likes this.
  6. Krunkonaut

    Krunkonaut The life of a kavaholic

    You hit the nail on the head! As Nietzsche wrote: "To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."
    For me, the word 'rooted' describes best how it has helped me. Kava grabs me out of the chaos I'm floating and losing myself in, as a stubborn old though wise philosopher, kava forces me to look at the beauty of what is happening down here in the now. As a result, my daily inner conversations are more peaceful and my eye has more attention to the admiration of really small things, such as a really vague first smell of spring that reminds me it is just around the corner. It's the reason why I still remember that day from a year ago so well. Even though it was a rough stressful grey day, that small second painted right over it.
    As for my inner world, my existential worries had made me bitter, weak and cynical, kava showed me how yin could never exist without yang. It's when I started to appreciate what certain feelings could be telling me. In essence, it had taught me the art of inner child work without ever haven heard about it.
    When I start burning out especially and all his been too much, kava helps me to put things in perspective. I tend to burn out due to having a difficult time processing stimuli, as a consequence I start burning out until I shut down completely. It's called 'dorsal vagal', maybe you've heard of it as it is related to dissociation and makes my grip on reality very unstable. Because of mast cell problems, for the past 6-9 it's been difficult to enjoy kava since 90% of the time I experience terrible allergic reactions from it. It's now, I realise how incredibly powerful kava is in helping me get back from total shutdowns. Luckily it has taught me a great deal throughout the years about what is important in situations like that. In essence, kava grabs me out of the stressful chaos that is life and taught me what it is to feel grateful for what is life.
    I hope this answer explains it a bit! :)
  7. shane1717

    shane1717 Member

    Thanks for answering! Sounds like we have lots in common. Its all very interesting what you say about your experience with Kava, the inner child work especially. The bible does say we must be like children if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven. I'm not religious per se, but I do believe the wisdom the bible carries. Its easy to forget how carefree it was to be a child when we live in a demanding society.

    I found a lot of healing in gratitude and appreciation also. Like I can be going through shit but if I can be thankful for simple things like shelter, food, and the few good people around me it helps put things in perspective. Plants are great healers too but I think living in gratitude is the one of the best.

    I looked into dorsal vagal, it makes a lot of sense to me. stress is tough and I know that feeling burning out and seemingly having no control over it. Im really glad to hear Kava has helped you with that. I experienced a lot of stress too and Im grateful for it because it showed me the path towards a simpler and fuller lifestyle. Albeit I don't have kids to support so I can seeing it being harder for other people.

    There are a few things that have helped, maybe they will work well for you also.

    Reishi mushroom is a great tonic. It works on the heart, both physically and spiritually. Its a really good one to take every day. its easy on the body and helped me stay grounded
    Fasting helps to, give your body a chance to rest even if its intermittent fasting
    Gluten free diet. Stress can lead to a lot of inflammation and gluten can worsen that. When their is inflammation in the body it can distort your thinking and feeling and make it harder to feel well and grounded. Some may call it a fad but I think there is an increase in gluten free because our lifestlyes are more stressed than ever and its more common for people to be unable to process gluten without resulting inflammation
    Cold water therapy. Wim hof has done some interesting work for cold water training. Im new into this but he talks about tapping into the nervous system which I can see there is some truth to. It may help with your overactive nervous system