New here - suffer from servere anxiety triggered by MJ

[Damer]

Hello all.

I don't know where to start, but I've had one helluva ride the last couple of months.
Back in January, I tried to smoke MJ with some friends(one of my first times), and things ended up completely wrong for me. I thought I had gone crazy and I thought my mind went psychotic. It was a bad "trip", and I was so very fucking anxious. As I know today, all these thoughts was and are still just pure anxiety, but they still stick with me. MJ simply triggered an anxiety-disorder in me. It has literally been the worst time of my life, but I think I can feel progress. This anxiety, which got triggered by MJ, has ruined and changed my life in a lot of ways; I've dropped out of school and have for the very first time in my life felt VERY depressed.The worst part is my sleeplessness - I can't sleep and I'm still afraid that MJ has destroyed the chemical balance in my brain. My heart is beating fast and rapid, my muscles are tense and it all started because of this bad-trip from MJ. My worst symptom is my derealization/depersonalization, which you can read more about here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization_disorder
I've started at therapy, but both my docter and therapist seem to not to be able to help me deal with my MOST anxious thought: "That MJ has me weird, and for some reason has triggered a mental disease in me". This thought is my biggest anxious thougt, and I have a very hard time to understand or solve it.

As for for kava: I want to start drinking kava to ease my system and lower my cortisol/adrenalin-levels. I hope it will help me sleep.

But the number 1 reason for me posting here, is that I've been lurking around, and you guys seem like very good and warm persons. I just hope, that maybe one of you have experienced the same, or that someone maybe could ease my anxiety a bit, by telling me (with good sources), that MJ has done no harm to my brain, it is all just pure ANXIETY.

Sorry for bad english. I hope a nice person (or 2) would answer.

You may all have a good day. //Damer

 

[Deleted User01]

@Damer, welcome to the forum. Dude, the word paranoid and MJ go hand in hand. I'm a little older and the last time I did MJ, my pulse rocketed and it was worrisome. I guess those days are long gone for me. Kava is great for sleep and that is the number one reason that I use it. Nene is very mild but conducive to sleep. You may need to experiment with different strains because (based on some members postings), you may get anxiety with some strains. Nene is mild as far as the mind effects but effective for sleep. I mentioned it because I think you need to start at the bottom of the potency list. I don't believe MJ has damaged your brain but it did trigger something that was lying in wait. It was gonna happen some day. Anyway, in my opinion, you are in the right place. Gourmet Hawaiian Kava sells the Nene and you might try the micronized or instant and mix it with some juice (being a Newbie).

No worries, we will take you into the fold here and guide you every step of the way. There are plenty here who suffer from anxiety and they can relate to what you are going thru. Good luck and quit worrying for gosh sakes, we got you covered.

 

[Pacifico]

MJ isn't extremely dangerous. I know you want to see sources but seriously, you can just google them. Just know that that alcohol poisoning is a cause of death but MJ poisoning isn't. More and more professionals use it, as do patients of various ailments. I personally don't use it but I am an advocate of legalization. The main problem here is that when you say MJ, you can be talking about a bunch of different things. Here in the US, Colorado has legalized it and there are now many different strains with different profiles you can get at the shop. I was recently asked if kava was the new thing for people who couldn't use MJ. I replied that kava potentially has everything that I would ever want from both alcohol and from MJ. Chris from GHK says that there is a kava for every occasion. Doing research on different types of kava and finding something that suits you makes much more sense than getting drunk at a bar or buying X MJ from some random guy on the street and using it, which is how the vast majority of people use it. I personally am in search of something that makes me feel nice and I enjoy the variety of effects that are available. Deleted User01 mentioned "Nene". As a new kavatero, I can tell you that "Nene" has been "the one" that has been most predictable. I can't tell you I enjoy it because I can never stay awake long enough to give an actual report. Here is the what I think: No one needs alcohol. No one needs MJ. No one needs kava. However, if you have to choose just one, you can know that kava is the safest, it's legal, and it gets you in far less trouble. I have had a lot of different sensations since I began drinking kava. Anxiety is not one of them. Enjoy.

 

[Damer]

@Damer, welcome to the forum. Dude, the word paranoid and MJ go hand in hand. I'm a little older and the last time I did MJ, my pulse rocketed and it was worrisome. I guess those days are long gone for me. Kava is great for sleep and that is the number one reason that I use it. Nene is very mild but conducive to sleep. You may need to experiment with different strains because (based on some members postings), you may get anxiety with some strains. Nene is mild as far as the mind effects but effective for sleep. I mentioned it because I think you need to start at the bottom of the potency list. I don't believe MJ has damaged your brain but it did trigger something that was lying in wait. It was gonna happen some day. Anyway, in my opinion, you are in the right place. Gourmet Hawaiian Kava sells the Nene and you might try the micronized or instant and mix it with some juice (being a Newbie).

No worries, we will take you into the fold here and guide you every step of the way. There are plenty here who suffer from anxiety and they can relate to what you are going thru. Good luck and quit worrying for gosh sakes, we got you covered.

Hi Deleted User01 and Pacifico, thank you for your warm welcome. It helps a lot.
I think you are right about MJ triggering something underlying. I have always been a bit worried as a kid, but I've never felt pure anxiety as I do now. Today, I everyday feel the physiological effects on anxiety: heavy heartbeat, muscle tension, tunnel vision, etc, and not to be speaking of those fully blown panic attacks that I sometimes experience in bed. This is awful, but I hope it'll get better.
I think the underlying cause of my anxiety is, that I've always been told that "MJ is dangerous and can make your mind go crazy - like psychotic and skizophrenia". Today I know I have not gone crazy, but for some reason, my anxiety just won't understand this. I suppose it takes time? It is some god damn strong forces you are up against when you are facing anxiety.


I have ordered some Nene. I hope it will help me be calm, for the first time in a long time!!

 

[Brohepa]

From what I can remember the cannabanoid recepters in the brain cluster in the area that is responsible for the 'fear' response. Therefore thc will stimulate that area causing panic attacks in a certain percentage of people. The higher the thc the worse the experience. I'm guessing this is what happened to you. Interestingly cannabidiol, also present in mj but in much smaller amounts, has been proven to have anti-anxiety effects.

The anxiety about having a panic attack is a pretty common situation after you've had one, if the kava doesn't work you could try your gp for a small amount of benzos to try to get you through this bad patch but with long term usage comes addiction so keep that in mind.

Not to put you off but I'm one of those that can get low to mid level anxiety from some noble kava strains. generally it lasts about 30mins to 1 hour depending on the amounts but it always passes.

 

[Damer]

Yea I've read a lot about benzos, but I'm actually pretty anxious about trying them. I've heard so many bad stories about folks not being able to get out of benzo-addiction.
@Brohepa It's nice that you explain me about THC causing panic in a scientific manner. My anxiety is irrational, and therefore scientific stuff(rational) is always a good way to deal with it.

My anxiety is not about having a panic attack again - I'm actually not afraid of that, because I know it is harmless. But my anxiety is like this "Why do I feel weird and anxious all the time? Why do I have tunnelvision and everything seems like a dream?" All these thoughts scares the crap outta me, and it fuels my anxiety - it is an evil circle.

So far, I've found out that excercise, steam baths, funny games, music and being around good people are the only things that removes my anxiety - but it'll always come back with a vengeance as soon as I try to relax :-(.

 

[The Kap'n]

@Damer Kava will help you. Kava can and will stomp all over anxiety. Give it a honest shot, and I think you'll be quite amazed.

Also, welcome! Glad to have you here with us

 

[Damer]

@Damer Kava will help you. Kava can and will stomp all over anxiety. Give it a honest shot, and I think you'll be quite amazed.

Also, welcome! Glad to have you here with us

I hope it will help. If I just can get my so desperately needed sleep, I think I can manage my way through all this.

 

[sɥɐʞɐs]

@Damer I had a nearly identical experience when I was younger. As a non smoker, I accidentally got completely blasted on MJ. My friends were all major stoners and never had any problems, so they had no sympathy. It hit me so oddly and hard, it induced an extreme panic attack. My brain was receiving audio input off time from the visual input, I was detached from reality in the emptiest feeling way. My heart beat was so hard and fast, it felt like someone pounding their fist inside my ribcage. I felt like I was on the verge of losing consciousness etc...

That was just the accute high itself. The worst part was the aftermath. It frazzled my brain so intensely that I wasn't the same afterward. Because I was young, it was very hard to relate the strange feelings I was left with to anyone else and I didn't have any real knowledge of brain chemistry and anxiety/depression/ptsd/depersonalization-derealization. I understood anxiety attacks, but not general anxiety...

You're saying things exactly like I did back then. I felt "weird" in a way that was impossible to describe. Everything felt like a "dream", things didn't feel "real" anymore when I looked at them. I felt detached like a dead soul floating around in memories. Nothing felt the same as it did my entire life beforehand, in a very literal way. I had no idea such a thing could happen. I realized I had completely taken the normalcy of balanced brain chemistry for granted my entire life. The feeling was with me every moment and it clouded every thought all day long, every day. I eventually found depersonalization-derealization and general anxiety online and they seemed to describe my feelings pretty well. I tried to shake it off by going out and doing normal things, hanging with friends and skateboarding but the constant awareness of how different everything felt & looked made it more difficult. So I ended up staying inside most of the time, readjusting to my new life as a soulless ghost, trapped in a dream.

Like you, I was also worried about taking benzo's or other meds, cuz I figured if stupid MJ could have such a horrible reaction with me, then real meds might create a similar experience. I eventually started taking St John's Wort and B vitamins, it may have been placebo, or just time, but I eventually started feeling slightly better. I started forcing myself out to do things again, it was hard with how lost, 'weird' and 'dreamy' everything seemed but having good times, exercising and getting better sleep slowly started bring me back around.

I came to a point where I started drinking alcohol sometimes, and you might not hear this from many people, but it was a GODSEND. Alcohol played a huge role in getting me back to normal and I will be eternally grateful for the help it gave me. I've since seen and learned the downsides of relying on it too frequently, but don't underestimate alcohol as an axiolytic in an emergency. Be careful though, frequent long-term usage, can end up creating the problems you're trying to fix...same with benzos.

Being older, and looking back, I have a greater understanding of it all. I've done some research on brain chemistry, anxiety, depression and drugs. I can see now, that I had anxiety all my life. Even though I had a couple crazy panic attacks randomly a couple years prior to my MJ experience, I never associated them as being an underlying issue that was always beneath the surface, but it was. The MJ was absolutely responsible for drawing it out of me to such an extreme degree, but it was also just something that my brain chemistry had a proclivity for.

GABA is what controls the anxiety levels in your brain. Taking benzodiazepines, drinking alcohol, Kava or GHB etc...all do similar things in the brain, by directly or indirectly affecting the GABA levels or availability.
Kava's action in the brain isn't completely known, but it's safest of the bunch and doesn't have any physical addiction or cause any bad behavior. Kava is great for relaxing you and leading to good deep sleep. Some strains better than others, and some people respond differently to different strains. It can occasionally cause mild paradoxical reactions, but the majority of the time that's not the case.

Try not to over think it, don't fear it, get some Kavas a.s.a.p. and give 'em a fair shake.

 

[Damer]

@Damer I had a nearly identical experience when I was younger. As a non smoker, I accidentally got completely blasted on MJ. My friends were all major stoners and never had any problems, so they had no sympathy. It hit me so oddly and hard, it induced an extreme panic attack. My brain was receiving audio input off time from the visual input, I was detached from reality in the emptiest feeling way. I felt like I was on the verge of losing consciousness etc...

That was just the accute high itself. The worst part was the aftermath. It frazzled my brain so intensely that I wasn't the same afterward. Since I was young it was very hard to relate the strange feelings I was left with to anyone else and I didn't have any real knowledge of brain chemistry and anxiety/depression/ptsd/depersonalization-derealization. I understood anxiety attacks, but not general anxiety...

You're saying things exactly like I did back then. I felt "weird" in a way that was impossible to describe. Everything felt like a "dream", things didn't feel "real" anymore when I looked at them. I felt detached like a dead soul floating around in memories. Nothing felt the same as it did my entire life beforehand, in a very literal way. I had no idea such a thing could happen. I realized I had completely taken the normalcy of balanced brain chemistry for granted my entire life. The feeling was with me every moment and it clouded every thought all day long, every day. I eventually found depersonalization-derealization and general anxiety online and they seemed to describe my feelings pretty well. I tried to shake it off by going out and doing normal things, hanging with friends and skateboarding but the constant awareness of how different everything felt & looked made it more difficult. So I ended up staying inside most of the time, readjusting to my new life as a soulless ghost, trapped in a dream.

Like you, I was also worried about taking benzo's or other meds, cuz I figured if stupid MJ could have such a horrible reaction with me, then real meds might create a similar experience. I eventually started taking St John's Wort and B vitamins, it may have been placebo, or just time, but I eventually started feeling slightly better. I started forcing myself out to do things again, it was hard with how lost, 'weird' and 'dreamy' everything seemed but having good times, exercising and getting better sleep slowly started bring me back around.

I came to a point where I started drinking alcohol sometimes, and you might not hear this from many people, but it was a GODSEND. Alcohol played a huge role in getting me back to normal and I will be eternally grateful for the help it gave me. I've since seen and learned the downsides of relying on it too frequently, but don't underestimate alcohol as an axiolytic in an emergency. Be careful though, frequent long-term usage, can end up creating the problems you're trying to fix...same with benzos.

Being older, and looking back, I have a greater understanding of it all. I've done some research on brain chemistry, anxiety, depression and drugs. I can see now, that I had anxiety all my life. Even though I had a couple crazy panic attacks randomly a couple years prior to my MJ experience, I never associated them as being an underlying issue that was always beneath the surface, but it was. The MJ was absolutely responsible for drawing it out of me to such an extreme degree, but it was also just something that my brain chemistry had a proclivity for.

GABA is what controls the anxiety levels in your brain. Taking benzodiazepines, drinking alcohol, Kava or GHB etc...all do similar things in the brain, by directly or indirectly affecting the GABA levels or availability.
Kava's action in the brain isn't completely known, but it's safest of the bunch and doesn't have any physical addiction or cause any bad behavior. Kava is great for relaxing you and leading to good deep sleep. Some strains better than others, and some people respond differently to different strains. It can occasionally cause mild paradoxical reactions, but the majority of the time that's not the case.

Try not to over think it, don't fear it, get some Kavas a.s.a.p. and give 'em a fair shake.

Hey @shakas - nice to read your post, and thank you for posting. The things you are describing are exactly the same things I am going through right now. After this experience, I've just not been the same. I could feel it the very first morning after my weed-induced extreme panic-attack. I was walking down the street, and everything seemed so far away and weird. I was going for a quick sandwich, and when I talked to the man behind the disk, I kinda felt like watching my self talking on autopilot from the outside. It was like watching a movie or being in a dream with myself as the protagonist. It is a terrible feeling. This "thing" - (the derealization/weird feeling) was/is in my thoughts ALL the TIME. When I was with my family and friends everything just seemed too depressingly weird and dreamy. I've concluded that I need to accept it, and to remember that it is a part of me - since I've accepted this, things has gotten better, but I'm still very afraid of it. It's literally the most weird and "not-living-in-the-present"-feeling anyone could ever try - it's like being on some very bad drug all the time.

Not many have been able to understand my feeling. My therapist tells me I have anxiety for panic attacks - but I know this is not true - panic attacks doesn't scare me. I think anxiety is a subjective feeling that we never can put in boxes. When I tell my therapist that my body is tense all the time, that I have depersonalization/weird-feeling and constantly can feel my heartbeat, she want's me to relax through mindfullness and avoid anxious situations - but how the heck does that help when I can't solve the "problem" of my weird feeling, which is present almost all the time? Just thinking out loud here.

As for the high-experience it self, it was completely the same as you. I smoked MJ with two stoner "friends", and they didn't help me AT ALL. I went in and out from about 7 or 8 extreme panic attacks in a row.

I have been very anxious about losing my mind - the depersonalization feeling makes you think a lot about this. I've thought that I had so many horrible mental-diseases. Alcohol has helped me alot, going out for a crazy party gives me a very much needed energy-release - but I'm very careful about using it as medication.

If you want, @shakas I would love to hear more about your journey back to normal. Do you still "suffer" from some of this? I have a couple of quick questions about the aftermath: did you also experience servere insomnia and physiological effects like heartbeat and muscle tension everyday?

I have a picture in my mind of my self, about some years from now in the future, very happy, relaxed and understanding about it all. I think/hope that all this is making me stronger in the end.

 

[sɥɐʞɐs]

recovery was simply inching my way back and realizing it was just brain chemistry issue. Our brains are clay to molded.
The more I forced myself out, hanging out with friends, laughing, having a good time, having projects to do etc...slowly but surely you begin to re-wire your brain through repetition. With the aid of alcohol, kava or benzos you can have moments of true relief that give you hope and help your brain see that things have the ability to feel right again. You realize everything you perceive is just a trick of brain chemistry. The more you accumulate good moments, the more the obsessive awareness of your depersonalization/derealization begins to fade. I found going to the beach to be pretty helpful too, as doing things like surfing/skimboarding force you to be in a focused state to accomplish your goal and avoid injury.
The added exercise is good for your brain and also helps you feel properly tired come night time. Good sleep is necessary for a healthy brain. Kava beats alcohol in this department.

all of this was 15/16 years ago...it may have taken me almost a year to completely go away. The worst of it was probably the first couple weeks or months when I was still trying to understand what.the.fuck. Anxiety can snowball and your own fear of it can cause you to make it worse yourself. Somewhat of a catch 22. You can also fall into the depression of it all, which also only makes it worse.

I still have anxiety, I always had anxiety and I'll always have anxiety. But it's nothing like it was at it's worst. I understand it now, I recognize it. It rarely get's anywhere close to where it was at my worst and I know not to be scared of alcohol, benzo's or kava...because all they do is help when you need them.

 

[VictoryRider]

Damer --

I can completely relate to your MJ experience. I had been smoking weed for some time, with few issues. I quit MJ for a few years.
Then a bunch of heavy stuff came to a head in my life. Then a MJ-smoking friend of mine suggested getting stoned to help with the
heavy stuff. I thought, "why not"? We smoked.

The high went OK, but coming down, I had the most VIOLENT rollercoaster emotions I've ever had. Absolute blissful elation
to BLACK depression in the course of a few minutes, over an over, until I finally went to sleep much later.

After that the panic attacks started. I felt the same depersonalization stuff you described. It quickly escalated to the point where I had
8-10 panic attacks per day, and almost guaranteed to have at least 2 each night.

I went to a psychiatrist, who taught me some great treatment strategies. I'll list them:

1. First and foremost: you are ***NOT*** going crazy. Those feelings are just a side effect of the panic attacks. Your brain chemistry
is so fried out from adrenaline jags that it leaves you that way. If you *were* crazy, you wouldn't care!! Seriously!!

2. Secondly, you ***WILL*** get better. This is NOT permanent.

3. VERY IMPORTANT: Get into a pattern of downplaying the symptoms. When the panic attacks come on, ride them out, keep telling yourself that it
will pass, and it will be OK. In between attacks, remind yourself frequently that this is all temporary, it will get better, and
this is what is to be expected given the circumstances, for now.

4. The more you do this, the less the symptoms will become over time.

5. LIVE YOUR LIFE. Don't let this prevent you from socializing, etc. If you let it win, it can win! So don't let it. It will feel wierd sometimes.
But downplay that in your mind. The wierdness will subside with time.

This worked beautifully for me. I've known others with similar anxiety problems, and I "coached" them through it with the same
advice and it worked for all of them.

All in all, it's a chemistry thing. For some of us MJ stirs up our brain chemical soup in a bad way. But, it will settle down again.

And if you're of a spiritual persuasion, the big guy upstairs is very helpful too.

 

[VictoryRider]

Oh, and BTW, I think kava will help you. I hadn't even heard of kava when this happened to me, and I really wish I
had known about it. Start small, work your way up.

 

[verticity]

This is probably a dumb question. Like really dumb. But since your bad experience have you stopped using MJ?
Also, I have a lot of experience with anxiety. One thing that has helped a lot is to cut way back on coffee/caffeine consumption.
Kava can probably help you too. It is preferable to alcohol.

 

[Blippy5]

I've been dealing with major depression, and some anxiety for a few years now. I also lived in colorado for the last couple years (recently moved), so I'm familiar with the green herb too.

I know that pot can cause psychosis, in people who are prone to it, though it's very rare. With street pot, there is also the potential it can be contaminated, or laced with other drugs. Benzos are a real mixed bag. I've had doctors who prescribe them appropriately, and known some who were very hesitant to use them.

I would really recommend seeing a psychiatrist, and being honest about it all. There are other options, besides benzodiazepine, that can help. Drugs that can help with sleep too. Maybe find one who is open to alternative treatments. Having help is more effective than trying to self medicate.

I really am an advocate for appropriate use of medication. Sleeping pills help me a lot. If your not connecting with your therapist, you should consider finding another if it is an option. Not every doctor is a great one, or matches every person.

 

[Damer]

Damer --

I can completely relate to your MJ experience. I had been smoking weed for some time, with few issues. I quit MJ for a few years.
Then a bunch of heavy stuff came to a head in my life. Then a MJ-smoking friend of mine suggested getting stoned to help with the
heavy stuff. I thought, "why not"? We smoked.

The high went OK, but coming down, I had the most VIOLENT rollercoaster emotions I've ever had. Absolute blissful elation
to BLACK depression in the course of a few minutes, over an over, until I finally went to sleep much later.

After that the panic attacks started. I felt the same depersonalization stuff you described. It quickly escalated to the point where I had
8-10 panic attacks per day, and almost guaranteed to have at least 2 each night.

I went to a psychiatrist, who taught me some great treatment strategies. I'll list them:

1. First and foremost: you are ***NOT*** going crazy. Those feelings are just a side effect of the panic attacks. Your brain chemistry
is so fried out from adrenaline jags that it leaves you that way. If you *were* crazy, you wouldn't care!! Seriously!!

2. Secondly, you ***WILL*** get better. This is NOT permanent.

3. VERY IMPORTANT: Get into a pattern of downplaying the symptoms. When the panic attacks come on, ride them out, keep telling yourself that it
will pass, and it will be OK. In between attacks, remind yourself frequently that this is all temporary, it will get better, and
this is what is to be expected given the circumstances, for now.

4. The more you do this, the less the symptoms will become over time.

5. LIVE YOUR LIFE. Don't let this prevent you from socializing, etc. If you let it win, it can win! So don't let it. It will feel wierd sometimes.
But downplay that in your mind. The wierdness will subside with time.

This worked beautifully for me. I've known others with similar anxiety problems, and I "coached" them through it with the same
advice and it worked for all of them.

All in all, it's a chemistry thing. For some of us MJ stirs up our brain chemical soup in a bad way. But, it will settle down again.

And if you're of a spiritual persuasion, the big guy upstairs is very helpful too.

Hi @VictoryRider , the rollercoaster-emotions you are talking about are the same as I experienced. I went in and out from the worst anxious-feeling that anyone could ever imagine, up to being a weird/euphoric-high person. Nonetheless, both situations were truly awful and not the real me - and I think that is what anxiety is all about. Our survival instinct wants us to survive and pass DNA to the next generation, and this is interrupted if we are very far from ourselves in all senses. The human mechanism wants us to know that something is completely wrong and should be changed, and therefore we feel it.

Thank you for your advice, they all help and just having another person to tell me that I'm not going crazy helps, even though I've known this for a long time But I guess that's my biggest fear, and NO WONDER that it is.. - going crazy and losing one's mind would be a total disaster!

Another big anxiety thought that I'm battling with right now is like this: "I'm never gonna be the same after this experience - my persona has changed forever in a negative way - I wish I could go back in time and undo it" - how did you manage this one @shakas and @VictoryRider ?


I'm actually pretty good at living my life and doing good things for myself. But these anxious thoughts still stick with me, and I have a really hard time getting quality sleep. I surely hope kava will help!

This is probably a dumb question. Like really dumb. But since your bad experience have you stopped using MJ?
Also, I have a lot of experience with anxiety. One thing that has helped a lot is to cut way back on coffee/caffeine consumption.
Kava can probably help you too. It is preferable to alcohol.

Yes I've stopped using MJ. I've never been a MJ-smoker, and never thought that it was cool to do. This experience was one of my first times smoking it. Therefore it irritates me very much, that this stupid "drug" has done so much harm. I would never recommend ANYONE with a bit of anxiety to smoke MJ - not even once!

I've been dealing with major depression, and some anxiety for a few years now. I also lived in colorado for the last couple years (recently moved), so I'm familiar with the green herb too.

I know that pot can cause psychosis, in people who are prone to it, though it's very rare. With street pot, there is also the potential it can be contaminated, or laced with other drugs. Benzos are a real mixed bag. I've had doctors who prescribe them appropriately, and known some who were very hesitant to use them.

I would really recommend seeing a psychiatrist, and being honest about it all. There are other options, besides benzodiazepine, that can help. Drugs that can help with sleep too. Maybe find one who is open to alternative treatments. Having help is more effective than trying to self medicate.

I really am an advocate for appropriate use of medication. Sleeping pills help me a lot. If your not connecting with your therapist, you should consider finding another if it is an option. Not every doctor is a great one, or matches every person.

I'm still worried about those benzos. Sleeping pills are the only benzos that I will take. I find the best treatment to be Cognitive therapy (CT). It has helped pretty good with the "acute-anxiety", and is a good way of putting your spiral of negative thoughts in another perspective. But as I've said before, my therapist can't understand all of it - the derealization/depersonalization-feeling is hard for others to help you with.

 

[ThePiper]

Sadly a lot of mj is anxiety inducing. I am awaiting the day I can obtain it medically and guarantee that I never need to use an anxiety inducing strain. There are several out there that actually reduce anxiety, but most make me worried and tense. Kava should help you but be aware that like mj, some strains can actually be anxiety inducing for a few. Ive heard from one member here that has had to stop kava due.to the fact that it treats him the same way that mj does after a period of positive results: it is now inducing anxiety. Dont let this dissuade you. I recommend moi from ghk for anxiety. As for mj fucking up your brain... not likely, since mj creates very little change in the brain. you perhaps have always had underlying anxiety that had never surfaced.someone once said MJ introduces you to yourself. Thats not always pretty, but something similar has happened in my life and I have no regrets because it has allowed me to understand.who I really am in a much more intimate way.

 

[VictoryRider]

Hi @VictoryRider , the rollercoaster-emotions you are talking about are the same as I experienced. I went in and out from the worst anxious-feeling that anyone could ever imagine, up to being a weird/euphoric-high person. Nonetheless, both situations were truly awful and not the real me - and I think that is what anxiety is all about.

Another big anxiety thought that I'm battling with right now is like this: "I'm never gonna be the same after this experience - my persona has changed forever in a negative way - I wish I could go back in time and undo it" - how did you manage this one @shakas and @VictoryRider ?

I'm still worried about those benzos. Sleeping pills are the only benzos that I will take. I find the best treatment to be Cognitive therapy (CT). It has helped pretty good with the "acute-anxiety", and is a good way of putting your spiral of negative thoughts in another perspective. But as I've said before, my therapist can't understand all of it - the derealization/depersonalization-feeling is hard for others to help you with.

Indeed. I felt that way too -- I didn't feel like "me".

Re: worrying that you're changed forever: For me that thought was pretty scary. I remember once thinking back on the memory of a
good time I had a couple years prior to the onset of the anxiety, and feeling like that was a whole 'nother lifetime, a different person that
experienced that.

But I kept on with the positive reinforcement, and encouragement from family members, believing that eventually I'd be "me" again.
And in time, I was. I remember the day I realized it -- what a wonderful day that was!! Felt like my old self again, been that way
ever since.

My psychiatrist discussed benzos with me too. I decided against using them, mostly because he said you can easily become
dependent on them. My mother was hopelessly dependent on Compazine (not a benzo but a tranquilizer anyway) and I didn't
want to get into that. You have to weigh the risk to the benefit.

As ThePiper indicated, some kavas are stimulating, and if you way over-indulge, they can make some folks a bit nervous.
I've found that Solomon Islands kavas do that, at least for me.

I recommend finding strains that don't do that (I've not had that problem with Nakamal@Home Black Sand FWIW),
and don't over-do it. A heavy krunk can tax the mind in some cases. A nice mild to medium kava-buzz will make you feel great.
And, kava doesn't create dependency.

 

[Damer]

Sadly a lot of mj is anxiety inducing. I am awaiting the day I can obtain it medically and guarantee that I never need to use an anxiety inducing strain. There are several out there that actually reduce anxiety, but most make me worried and tense. Kava should help you but be aware that like mj, some strains can actually be anxiety inducing for a few. Ive heard from one member here that has had to stop kava due.to the fact that it treats him the same way that mj does after a period of positive results: it is now inducing anxiety. Dont let this dissuade you. I recommend moi from ghk for anxiety. As for mj fucking up your brain... not likely, since mj creates very little change in the brain. you perhaps have always had underlying anxiety that had never surfaced.someone once said MJ introduces you to yourself. Thats not always pretty, but something similar has happened in my life and I have no regrets because it has allowed me to understand.who I really am in a much more intimate way.

Thanks for the calming words @ThePiper. Sounds weird, but it means a lot that you guys on the internet are telling me that things will be OK.

@VictoryRider Well, from what you are saying I think I can already feel progress in that sense. The last month, I've actually been able to enjoy things and be a funny guy (a couple of times), just the way I did it prior to this experience. This tells me that I am still the very same person - maybe I'm actually a more wise person. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" - such a cliché, but it gives me hope!

I'm going to drink kava for the very first time now. I bought some medium grind Mahakea and Nene from GHK.
I've read about RT - because of this I don't think I'm supposed to be expecting something my first time?

 

[verticity]

I'm going to drink kava for the very first time now. I bought some medium grind Mahakea and Nene from GHK.
I've read about RT - because of this I don't think I'm supposed to be expecting something my first time?

Maybe, maybe not. Personally I never experienced reverse tolerance; I felt it from the beginning.