What's new

Powdered Kava Review Squanch Kava Fiji Waka

Jellyman64

Δ Kavanaut Δ
The squanch has visited me, and its fuzzy embrace was all I needed to ensure a calm and jubilant evening. Great heady buzz, stony body feel. Smooth taste, 4/5.

I arrived at my house in the usual after class fashion, and what did I find in my room? A parcel, in its orderly beauty, with the words "Squanch" barely visible from the doorway. With plentiful enthusiasm and curiosity I sprinted over to the package and ripped it open, revealing a gunmetal-gray plastic pouch, bearing the squanch logo on its side. What a beautiful sight, especially after the day I'd had, of jaw pain, and of a slightly overwhelming first day back to college after winter break. I tore open the seal and before I'd realized my nose plummeted into the bag. The smell was mild and grassy, which seemed to remind me of a kava I'd had in the past. GHK Moi, I believe, smelled similarly. I put the bag down to pose for a stylish photo, and afterwards had to go run errands.

Squanchy.jpg


As soon as I prepared my aluball shaker for the Squanch Waka, I realized that, being at someone else's condo, I had no access to my usual amenities. I had to eyeball the amount of root to spoon into the aluball, and went for a range of 1 - 1.5 tbsp. I told my phone in my quirky impersonation of a budget British actor "Turn on a timer for one minute, love", and she quickly responded in her uncanny-valley - worthy voice "Sure, and one minute. Here we go!". The shaking ensued, and I tried to not violently shake the damn thing too hard, since it was fragile from months of enthusiastic abuse. I thought about how this grog would taste, and I shuddered. I unfortunately have a highly unusual gag reflex that causes me to go ballistic after a tiny amount of a texture my body rejects, meaning any session with downing straight shells is an uphill battle. I usually chase with a drink to keep from spilling my stomach in an oafish and awkward manner. Beep, beep beep! The timer was screaming for help, and I decided to release it from its perpetual shout by turning it off.

T = 0 Minutes - Into the Drink

I take a small sip of the squanchified potion, noting that the body is again grassy and almost celery-like. I begin to down my 'shell' of a half cup and immediately notice how smooth it flows through my mouth and down the hatch. No fighting the urge to vomit! This was a stupefying revelation, as I proceeded to gulp down 2 shells. I decided to watch tv with my boyfriend while I waited, and then all was revealed.

I recall thinking to myself, "oh shit", as my stressed demeanor was bitch-slapped into a calm, relaxed mood. I felt utterly punched by this kava, in the best way possible, with the heady buzz already embracing me only after 10 minutes. I usually take 20 to 30 to begin entering into the kava realm, but, its warm embrace was felt quickly. I knew immediately that this particular grog was something of a pacific treasure.

T = 30 Minutes - Full Squanch

My body and mind in a beautiful, almost stony bliss, I felt it just and proper to have two more shells of this awe-inspiring kava. I shook the aluball, did the same song and dance, but this time with extra spring in my step. I had realized why the folks here on Kavaforums had raved about Squanch for years. I drank my two shells in succession, not even needing any kind of juice to mix with, which again is unusual. I'd recently had Papa 'Ele 'Ele, Borogu, and Kava Supreme, and for all three I couldn't force myself to drink it without mixed assistance from fruit juice or milk. Not with squanch, and especially not while I was still awash in the glow. I love this, I thought, life is good, and the kava is flowing in my soul. I tend to get spiritual whenever I consume anything even mildly psychoactive, even something as ordinary and common as coffee. I love how kava tends to bring you in a more intimate state of your body - you are more in tune with the animal whose skin you're wearing 24/7. I am familiar with this skin, and I am getting closer and closer to being absolutely comfortable in it. Kava seems to help with spiritual or personal growth as each session I learn a little lesson, a nugget, if I may. These are adding up to hopefully brew a wise man one day. I settle in on my couch and zone back in on the TV, with a plate of pizza in front of me. Although the pizza beckons to me, I decide to wait in case I want more.

T = 1 Hour - Floating in my Head

I perhaps knew by now that with four shells stacked into a wonderful vibrational feeling, I was done, and decided to eat my pizza. It was greasy, cheesy, and delicious. I was in heaven, and I didn't want to leave. But all good things end, and as I write this, at T=3 hours, I am mostly normal again. Although the intense relaxation I experienced has not worn off yet at all. I am pleased with this experience, and I might have some more, honestly. I am 100% on board with the squanch hype train, and I loved it enough to write this lengthy review and experience report. Ah, the poetry inspired by kava. This is truly the thinker's brew (besides coffee) and I am glad to have experienced what I will now definitely consider my favorite kind of kava.

Edit: Re-Dosing, three hours later
2 Shells, 2 2nd Wash Shells, all in rapid succession

Holy Moly. I decided to hit the bula hard and holy moly. I am out of my mind. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a bit faded, similar to when I'd smoke ehrm... this one herb, and I have to say, this is much better. Healthier, less mind-numbing, and more interesting because my logic and cognition aren't impaired. With that other substance, I'd get caught up in my own thoughts, my introspection would be off the charts. I would obsess over circular logic and the numerology of my attention - and it would be a bit nonsensical reading my notes the morning after. However I feel absolutely lucid whilst feeling absolutely stoned and in the sky. I feel an existential glow, it embraces my mind and body without pause, and my little pains and aches are 70% opaque. I notice once in a while that I have pangs of stomach cramps, but they quickly fade into bloatedness. I am feeling a bit slowed down from the universal standard of sobriety time, and it is interesting. I am giddy like a schoolgirl, which is also interesting considering it is 3am and there's not much interesting going on. I dunno, I feel unified in my own body, like I am here and not someone who doesn't belong. I normally undergo a load of stress in life, feelings of self-shame and defeat, but I now just feel content to be alive. I love you guys, and I love life. Squanch is good. Like, really good. 10/10 yeah buddy, 9/3 shells up, bula to da hula to da moolah. I am silly and its fun, and I am now gonna drink another shell and have some more fun - go play a video game. Peace, friends. ::KavaChug::

 
Last edited:

Krunkie McKrunkface

Kava Connoisseur
yup, kavas used to take 20 - 30 minutes for me to feel but Squanch kicked my butt in 2 or less, BOOGABOOGABOOOGA! And that effect carried over after a while, till every kava kicked in right away or close to it, like Squanch had triggered my receptivities, like a primer. One of the first things I noticed about Squanch was that I now noticed first things.
 

Jellyman64

Δ Kavanaut Δ
yup, kavas used to take 20 - 30 minutes for me to feel but Squanch kicked my butt in 2 or less, BOOGABOOGABOOOGA! And that effect carried over after a while, till every kava kicked in right away or close to it, like Squanch had triggered my receptivities, like a primer. One of the first things I noticed about Squanch was that I now noticed first things.
Oh boy, it is quite the rush. I didn't expect it, as kava always felt rather subtle and quiet, like a distant angelic voice. After I decided to hit the bula hard (I think I had an extra shell after my update, honestly can't remember, my memory is a bit fuzzy) I felt the whole damn choir in technicolor!
 

Jellyman64

Δ Kavanaut Δ
You sir are doing the work of the gods. I am fascinated by this cultivar, and wonder how it is so much more potent. Is it aged kava? I've heard that when it is aged it can taste very smooth and bring stronger effects.

The pharmacology and chemistry of this root is quite interesting. Do you have a Kavalactone count, or chemotype? I couldn't find any on the sidebar. I really want to figure out why this is so damn good. If its a secret only for the squanch-kind, then rest assured I will not tell an unworthy soul. I will preserve this Squanch Waka for only honorable and kind folks in my company.
 

Squanch72

Kava Vendor
You sir are doing the work of the gods. I am fascinated by this cultivar, and wonder how it is so much more potent. Is it aged kava? I've heard that when it is aged it can taste very smooth and bring stronger effects.

The pharmacology and chemistry of this root is quite interesting. Do you have a Kavalactone count, or chemotype? I couldn't find any on the sidebar. I really want to figure out why this is so damn good. If its a secret only for the squanch-kind, then rest assured I will not tell an unworthy soul. I will preserve this Squanch Waka for only honorable and kind folks in my company.
No, sure don't. I prefer the KISS method, Keep It Simple Squanch.
Sometimes the Universe let's you in and tells you to share, you just have to listen when you hear that Kava singing that Universal Sound
 

Jellyman64

Δ Kavanaut Δ
No, sure don't. I prefer the KISS method, Keep It Simple Squanch.
Sometimes the Universe let's you in and tells you to share, you just have to listen when you hear that Kava singing that Universal Sound
I honestly can get behind that philosophy. It harkens to a mindfulness of being, of patience and simple bliss. This is much in line with your product. I am impressed again by this kava and by you! Thanks for everything!
 
Top