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Powdered Kava Review Stoner Productions - 666 - the Kava of the Beast

Prince Philip

Duke of Edinborogu
First, the bag. The bag is a bit like a resume, you read that before the cover letter.


Then, the cover letter. I needed to make sure I was following the protocols laid out for the Grand Experiment.


I mixed it in an environmentally sustainableway:


I don't toss-and-wash, that's the opposite of Kastom, but I also don't bother straining. Part of it is that my brew is probably weaker than many other members of this Forum - in this case it was 1/2 gallon to 1/2 cup of root. I do, however, leave the dregs on the bottom of the bucket.




So, here's how the drinking actually went. These are my notes from Friday night.

All right, now, the time is 5:55, I have finished making kava a few minutes ago, but I have not yet drank any. Of course, I have done an initial "sniff test." It has sort of a peanut-shell scent to it that reminds me very strongly of Nakmal@Home's "Black Sands" kava. Queen Elizabeth was playing music on the Royal Wurlitzer Piano, and one of songs sounded very Russian, and I think should be called "Soyuz" and I explained to her what a Soyuz space capsule was. It was a very "listen to the kava, listen to your ancestors" sort of thought to have.
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OK, it has a richer, deeper taste than what I'm used to. Lately, that's been the Solomon Island and White Sands kavas. It has, I don't know if it's because I'm using the Enon Springs bottled water, or if really is a
richer taste to the underlying root. The queen has a lot of lights on, so I'm using my KrunkVision Goggles. It seems to be somewhat helpful. I don't know if it's really make me that much more light sensitive, though. I just don't want to kill the krunk.

Dear Constant Readers... KrunkVision Goggles were originally designed to help golfers find their balls. They are similar to sunglasses, but make everything MUCH dimmer, except that white things pop VERY strongly, whereas green things become almost black. Here is a video to give you an idea of what I'm talking about.

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6:15. 2nd shell. Typing the note instead of a voice memo because Q. E. 2 is being a bitch. At least that's my impression. Too loud, too bright. She's going through a fairly thick cross section of her music compositions and asking me if he one's she's playing sound "fairy tale" or not.

I'm trying to keep in good cheer, but I prepared the kava with the belief that we would be watching a documentary on exorcisms. She gave me this idea by repeatedly telling me she wanted to go to bed and watch a movie. The two I had on my person were the"Bill Nye the Science Guy" episode on dinosaurs, and a Disinfo documentary on modern-day exorcists.

I even asked her if she was too high strung for me to start with the kava. Yes. Yes, she was. No. No, she didn't warn me.

I'm starting to enjoy the music. In fact, I'm pretty excited, now.

I'll have to remember Morning Dew.

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OK, it's about 7:10. I'm very relaxed, I'm very engaged, I'm feeling relatively happy and ready for just about anything.

Surprising to me, because I've never actually recorded my experiences before, my speech was a lot more slurred on the last voice memo than on the first. Oh, and the one where I called Elizabeth a "bitch" was a typed memo, rather than a voice memo. As I said, by the time the rant was over, I was pretty much OK with her choice of activities and we had a good time despite the fact that she refused to drink any of the Mystery Substance.
 
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Prince Philip

Duke of Edinborogu
What... exactly... is the plus?

I'm glad I drunk Kona Kava stuff and it wasn't awful, given all the bad reviews over the years. Had I seen this before drinking it, I might have entitled the review "punched the queen after two shells." It seemed fine, really, though.
 

Prince Philip

Duke of Edinborogu
Here's a hypothesis. I made a half-cup at once and drunk roughly half the concoction each night. This means I used eight tablespoons, whereas their instructions say "Do not exceed 2 tablespoons per serving. Daily dosage not to exceed 6 tablespoons." I haven't the foggiest idea why this disclaimer exists, but anyone who follows it is going to be disappointed unless they are very sensitive to kava.
 
D

Deleted User01

Another entertaining episode of "Mystery Kava Thearer". Thanks Prince Philip and thank you Harper for such an entertaining "Production".
 

kavadude

❦ॐ tanuki tamer
Haha, I forgot Garry's last name and thought this was kava from a headshop actually named that.
 

Doobie Doo

How many shells to get to the center..1 2 3
Nice review.. but now I can't get it out of my head... Krunk Vision Goggles ?
Is this the next fashion must have among the rooted intelligentsia?
 
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