I Love Kava Friday Friday November 4th
- Thread starter The Kap'n
- Start date
Squanch72
Kava Vendor
It's bring your In-Lawena to work Friday. I have to leave straight from work to meet up at a birthday meal at Gluttony Coral. So I made a nice strong batch to keep in the work fridge. This way I can pre-install before I watch the The Walking Fed grunt their way through the buffet aisles during what is usually krunk:30 for me.
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D
Deleted User01
Yes Kapm', thank god it's Friday but I want to talk about a serious topic today. The other day, @Kava Time posted:
"So i have been born and bred in fiji and have very little understanding of what is the motivation behind western kava consumers. I do briefly understand that kava is taken sometimes as a alternative to medications but i dont really understand the reasons behind it."
Well, I feel bad about lying to him about the real reasons we take kava. He's a good chap and though he is not American, I think we can confide in him and trust him to keep our dirty little secret.
First off, secret number one. American Women are insatiable. And it gets worse when they get married. They see a marriage license as a license to “go nuts”.
If you noticed, 99 percent of the members here are men. The other women are “spies”. They are here to make sure we are taking care of business but I digress.
History.
When the original pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, they had 2 things on their find. Food and propagation of their colony. The pilgrim life was tough on women and propagation was difficult. Some of the scientists of the time got together to find a solution. With the help of the local native American Shamans, they came up with a botanical solution. So everyday they slipped this concoction into their wive's daily gruel. The results were immediate as the women suddenly had new found vigor and the colony started growing by leaps and bounds. What the scientists hadn’t planned on was the long term effect to the genetic-ture of the females. Somehow the genes mutated and created a permanent “feature” in all American Women.
Back to the Future.
So throughout history, American men have had to deal with their women. When you see an man shuffling down the streets with his shoulders slumped and a thin smile on his face,
you know the stress IS NOT from work. Yup it’s from “you know what”.
Solutions.
So Big Pharma tried to come up with a solution and invented drugs like Viagra in order to help men feed the beast they had created. I remember taking a dose before a PTA meeting and then being asked to be the human flagpole for the pledge of allegiance. I felt totally degraded standing there with old glory waving in my face and a gaggle of hungry housewives staring me down. That night, after enduring a savage self serving brutal mauling by my lovely wife, I laid in bed thinking about the problem. There had to be a better drug with “short term” effects. You know, with less “side effects’. Either that or no more PTA meetings for me. Presented with this thorny issue, the scientists at the University of Hawaii came up with a solution based on kava. It’s a kava sold only in America by GHK and it goes by the code name “My Very Special Blend”.
So that my Fijian Friend, is why we Americans take kava. That other stuff about addiction and big pharma is nothing but a smoke screen and I want to apologize for pulling the wool over your eyes. Here is the bottom line. When you walk into an bedroom inhabited by an American Woman, you better be packing a Papaya and not a Peanut.
"So i have been born and bred in fiji and have very little understanding of what is the motivation behind western kava consumers. I do briefly understand that kava is taken sometimes as a alternative to medications but i dont really understand the reasons behind it."
Well, I feel bad about lying to him about the real reasons we take kava. He's a good chap and though he is not American, I think we can confide in him and trust him to keep our dirty little secret.
First off, secret number one. American Women are insatiable. And it gets worse when they get married. They see a marriage license as a license to “go nuts”.
If you noticed, 99 percent of the members here are men. The other women are “spies”. They are here to make sure we are taking care of business but I digress.History.
When the original pilgrims landed on Plymouth Rock, they had 2 things on their find. Food and propagation of their colony. The pilgrim life was tough on women and propagation was difficult. Some of the scientists of the time got together to find a solution. With the help of the local native American Shamans, they came up with a botanical solution. So everyday they slipped this concoction into their wive's daily gruel. The results were immediate as the women suddenly had new found vigor and the colony started growing by leaps and bounds. What the scientists hadn’t planned on was the long term effect to the genetic-ture of the females. Somehow the genes mutated and created a permanent “feature” in all American Women.
Back to the Future.
So throughout history, American men have had to deal with their women. When you see an man shuffling down the streets with his shoulders slumped and a thin smile on his face,
you know the stress IS NOT from work. Yup it’s from “you know what”.Solutions.
So Big Pharma tried to come up with a solution and invented drugs like Viagra in order to help men feed the beast they had created. I remember taking a dose before a PTA meeting and then being asked to be the human flagpole for the pledge of allegiance. I felt totally degraded standing there with old glory waving in my face and a gaggle of hungry housewives staring me down.
That night, after enduring a savage self serving brutal mauling by my lovely wife, I laid in bed thinking about the problem. There had to be a better drug with “short term” effects. You know, with less “side effects’. Either that or no more PTA meetings for me. Presented with this thorny issue, the scientists at the University of Hawaii came up with a solution based on kava. It’s a kava sold only in America by GHK and it goes by the code name “My Very Special Blend”.So that my Fijian Friend, is why we Americans take kava. That other stuff about addiction and big pharma is nothing but a smoke screen and I want to apologize for pulling the wool over your eyes. Here is the bottom line. When you walk into an bedroom inhabited by an American Woman, you better be packing a Papaya and not a Peanut.
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Zac Imiola (Herbalist)
Kava Connoisseur
@Deleted User01 has it completley accurate ... I can't keep my girlfriend off me.. it's insane..I'm like "babe we are dating, that doesn't mean I'm your sex object " but she can't even help it.. she's just overcome with lust... certain kavas calm her down and other ones help me plug one out for her ... sometimes she buys me flowers or something then like 10 minutes later she wants to bang. Like did you even get the flowers because you thought of me, or you just wanted sex... kava helps with these issues.... and you know take away my urge to rape and pillage
Zac Imiola (Herbalist)
Kava Connoisseur
Seriously I bet she will think it's open season then
D
Deleted User01
I went back into my Manbook Bible and found a “fun fact” that might amuse our Friendly Fijian, @Kavatime. One of the colonial scientists was name Benjamin Frankenstein. Back in the day, the word Frankenstein Monster was originally credited to him and what he and his fellow scientists had created. Later on, Mary Shelly (an English female novelist) took that moniker and wrote a book that basically served as a smoke screen for her close female friends in the United States. Only American men understand the rambo-fication of biological engineering and the true meaning of the word Frankenstein Monster.
D
Deleted User01
You are closer than you think on the hunting analogy. However, it won't be a pair of trophy horns hanging on the wall.Seriously I bet she will think it's open season then
Zac Imiola (Herbalist)
Kava Connoisseur
Oh god... 8/ ==> (/=axe)
S
Summer
fascinating
D
Deleted User01
Dang ... another spy.
There are many “secret codes” embedded in popular American Music that attempt to send a message to the world concerning the problems faced by American men and their insatiable female partners. In fact, I heard a rumor that Dan Brown was going to do another DaVinci code type of book on this phenomenon ... and if he lives to write it. If you carefully listen to the Lyrics of American Woman by the Guess Who, you will get a hint of what is going on. In this song (blues for sure) you hear the outcry from a man who has been drained (like a virgin by a vampire) by his ravenous girlfriend:
American woman, get away from me
American woman, mama, let me be
Don't come a-knockin' around my door
Don't wanna see your shadow no more
Coloured lights can hypnotize
Sparkle someone else's eyes
Now woman, I said get away
American woman, listen what I say, hey
Yeah, you can run but you can’t hide.
D
Deleted User01
Kap'm, I know your wife has got a gun to your head so I will say no more. But think about this.
It's funny how the Guess Who coded secret messages in their songs and then mysteriously disappeared from the public eye. Here was the last song they did "live" before their disappearance. It is a victory song by a man who escaped from his American Woman and now lives in the wilderness where he will surely be mauled by a real Brown Bear. The name of the song, "No Sugar" of course.
It's funny how the Guess Who coded secret messages in their songs and then mysteriously disappeared from the public eye. Here was the last song they did "live" before their disappearance. It is a victory song by a man who escaped from his American Woman and now lives in the wilderness where he will surely be mauled by a real Brown Bear. The name of the song, "No Sugar" of course.
D
Deleted User01
Ok, it only took them 8 hours to make the kava. You American guys should be happy that it only takes 30 minutes to make your kava. Anyway Shakas, you just gave me an idea on how I can spend my time in future retirement.
D
Deleted User01
I think you left out the part where they stomp on the kava like grapes with their sandy feet. Believe it or not, this actually improves the taste of the Grog. 
Zac Imiola (Herbalist)
Kava Connoisseur
Hahahaha @shakas I was just as goofed by that kid with the knife .. then after I watched the video and saw your picture it was a billion times better hahaha. hes like about to cut himself on the scalp hahha
HeadHodge
Bula To Eternity
verticity
I'm interested in things
Another thing @Kava Time should know about American women is that they all, without exception (I think) are really turned on by foreign accents, such as British or Fijian (I would assume). Be careful if you visit here. [/SEXIST STEREOTYPE]