Because I had such a good reaction the first time, I can't accept that it's the Kava that caused my depression later on. I also can't reconcile with the fact that basically no-one else but noname seems to get these symptoms. I'm the king of causing psychosomatic symptoms on myself, Idk whether or not it's me making it happen or the Kava because to be honest I'm just as depressed when I'm not drinking Kava as when I am, the Kava just makes me realize it because each time I drink the Kava I hope and pray that it will feel as good as it did the first time and every time I feel nothing I feel so disappointed that that feeling of disappointment is enough to make me temporarily depressed. Plus, each time subsequently that I've tried Kava the experiences have gradually been getting better. And, I'm getting my depression treated, I've been taking Tianeptine.
Also, Idk why I didn't originally make the connection but when I sleep in the middle of the day for any significant period of time I get depressed. Each and every time I drank Kava, I would fall asleep a few hours later during the day. And, I didn't have scientific proof until now to prove what I've know for a long time already which is that sleep is depressogenic, so not only do you sleep a lot when you're depressed because you don't wanna get up and face the day but you also are possibly depressed (or significantly more depressed than you "should" be) because you sleep too much. This I have noticed in myself anyway to be very true. Specifically, it is REM sleep that is depressogenic. Apparently REM sleep is increased by Kava even when it doesn't increase sleep in any other way.
Oh yeah, more evidence for my theory that kava mainly makes me depressed through psychosomatic symptoms: When I took it during Phenibut withdrawals I noticed nothing, not a single change good or bad. I was too preoccupied with how Phenibut withdrawal was making me feel to focus on whether or not the Kava was making me feel depressed, in fact it was only a couple days after drinking kava that I was totally sleep deprived and for the first time in many years, felt naturally optimistic and had that energy that I've always felt deficient in.