New here - suffer from servere anxiety triggered by MJ

[Damer]

I was addicted to MJ many years ago and I mean addicted. Tolerance just builds and builds and I was using it for anxiety and insomnia. I drank booze too but MJ was my drug of choice. 18 clean years later, Recovery and therapy have left me in a place where I understand the underlying reasons I was using to escape many things internally. You may have had anxiety and this was triggered by your MJ experience - in that sense it may be the silver lining - you're now in a place where you recognise something isn't right and it sounds like you're really searching for the answers so good on you. When I smoked MJ it was a very different strength than today's MJ. Thankfully you only did it a few times and knew to look after yourself and stop - well done for that. I would be careful with Benzo's, they can be dangerous and also addictive. I found Kava a few months ago and I've played around with different types, read lots on this forum and am still finding my way but it works, it really does. The best thing about it for me is the lack of physical addiction, it can be psychologically addictive but there is no physical withdrawal - I've had several week long breaks and missed it but had no anxiety or sleep problems. I started using it for pain relief but it has given me so much more. I read your post and I really felt for where you are - it sounds so scary but you rejected that feeling and didn't go back to it. I think Kava would help I really do. Someone else mentioned you might want to think about changing your therapist and I know this can be difficult as you've probably told your story and don't want to start again but as a trained therapist myself I would agree that you may want to think about whether the therapist you're seeing is the right one for you - if you're feeling not heard or misunderstood you can either tell them and work it out or change - your peace of mind is too important to waste time on someone who doesn't get you. Anyway I think you've made a great start coming on here and being so honest and articulate about where you are, you'll find lots of really nice people here so welcome and let us know how it goes.

Hi @Sadie, thank you for your kind words. I think you are right about my silver lining: I have always had anxiety. When I think more about this, I can think of many episodes as a kid/teenager, where I felt more anxious than normal.
Yup, searching for the answers is a pretty good way to describe it I guess. I see now, that I before this experience have been stressed about a lot of things - but I've just tried to hide it in my brain. My bad MJ-experience has made everything go the surface in such an extreme way, that everything literally has felt like hell.

I see progress everyday, but things are surely going slow. I think the no.1 rule about beating generalized anxiety is to focus on being in a good position in life - a position where you feel pretty confident and peaceful about who you are. And this is not easy.

 

[verticity]

Seriously? Melatonin is illegal in the UK? That's weird because it is very safe. I sometimes give it to my 10 yo child (with her doctor's approval)

 

[Steve Mariotti]

MJ, for me, over the course of daily use for three years, brought on a profound and deep to the bone sense of hopelessness and helplessness. And depression. When I quit I quit cold turkey and for three weeks I was absolutely miserable. Suicidal fantasies, inability to get out of bed. A horrible cannabinoid withdrawal which I learned is very very common for habitual long term users upon cessation. It's headed to the DSM next update. It's provisional in the latest one.

It was horrible, and an all time low. It took me three weeks of abstinence to have the energy to make other changes in my life. Once I was able, these changes made all the difference and the pace of recovery accelerated. Those changes were all things that I could do and feel pride afterwards. I started cooking exotic foods for my family. I wrote a bit online in recovery boards. I got a haircut, started dressing up when going out. I started going to the Y with my daughter for light cardio and weights. Little things, with the 'anything is better than nothing's approach. Slowly and surely, after a month and a half I felt good again. Not great, just not BAD all the time. After three months (the approximate amount of time it takes a body's endogenous cannabinoid system to reach homeostasis again after years of suppression) I felt GREAT.

Good luck. I wish I'd had kava when I was going through the severe withdrawal, as that would have been huge.

 

[Damer]

I've been drinking kava every night the last couple of days with mixed results.
At first, It helped me sleep, and I think I got through reverse tolerance pretty well. It made me quiet happy, and I've felt it's relaxing properties.
but today and yesterday I've slept like crap.

I have a really hard time controlling my anxious thoughts when I try to rest. In my everyday life, and when I do stuff, anxiety is gone, but when I try to relax it'll always come.
So no matter how "krunk" I am, I still get anxiety and heartbeat when I try to sleep.

Maybe I should try another strain? I'm comsuming Mahakea and Nene ATM.

 

[verticity]

I've been drinking kava every night the last couple of days with mixed results.
At first, It helped me sleep, and I think I got through reverse tolerance pretty well. It made me quiet happy, and I've felt it's relaxing properties.
but today and yesterday I've slept like crap.

I have a really hard time controlling my anxious thoughts when I try to rest. In my everyday life, and when I do stuff, anxiety is gone, but when I try to relax it'll always come.
So no matter how "krunk" I am, I still get anxiety and heartbeat when I try to sleep.

Maybe I should try another strain? I'm comsuming Mahakea and Nene ATM.

Personally I have found borongoru from Kalm with Kava to be good for anxiety. It has less "euphoric" effect than Mahakea, and more of a kind of a sedating mellowing effect. You could also try borogoru (sold by GHK), not one of my favorites, but is more sedating.

 

[Sadie]

Sometimes my Kava really packs a punch and sometimes it doesn't - I don't know if anyone else experiences this and I don't know why. I'd say keep going with it and take the advice of experienced members on here as to what is best for sedation and relaxation. Sounds like you're doing ok ... at least you've got through RT quickly

 

[Steve Mariotti]

From what I've seen, during the Reverse Tolerance period the results can be more erratic. Sometimes nothing, sometimes just sedation, but not very often euphoria. It's entirely possible that you're still dealing with RT and your body's kava reaction hasn't really normalized yet. And to add to what @Sadie said, the same amount of the same strain on different days can sometimes be a different experience. I haven't pinned this down as to WHY this is the case or found any common factors, it just seems to be the way it goes sometimes.