Why does Mahakea make me panic?

[Gerhardtschreiter]

Ever since my first drug-induced panic attack, I've been having drug-induced panic attacks. As soon as I would feel any alteration in my perception, I would freak out and think I was dying. I was fearful to try kava for this reason, but Borogu totally washed my worries away. I felt like panic was IMPOSSIBLE on kava, like it was looking out for me. Feeling bored with Borogu, I decided to purchase some Mo'i Instant, Nene Micronized, and Mahakea medium grind.

I tried the Mo'i first. I felt like blood or some kind of energy was rushing to my head which ALMOST made me panic, but I got over it. I've grown to like Mo'i a lot. Remember, at this point, I'm feeling like panic is impossible on kava, and my escape from this *almost* panic attack reinforced that idea.

Then I tried the Mahakea Medium Grind about an hour after the Mo'i. I felt like I had a lot of dough in my head. My eyes wouldn't stay open and they also felt full of dough. Since I only waited an hour between the Mahakea and the Mo'i, I decided to wait 24 hrs and try the Mahakea again, with no mixture, so I could get the true experience. This time...I DID have a panic attack. Thought I was having a heart attack, dying, blah blah blah. The usual panic illusions. I tried it again the next day, and had ANOTHER panic attack. So at this point, my idea that panicking on kava is impossible was out the door.

The next day, I tried the Nene, and had a short panic attack, because thanks to the Mahakea experience, I was no longer confident in kava. But I was able to think myself out of it this panic attack. Basically, you can only be "convinced" that you're dying so many times, before you realize you're just lying to yourself. I was "sure" I would die like 10 times now...it gets old.

Feeling like I had too much kava in my system, I did an Epsom salt flush and felt like a newborn baby afterward. I tried the Nene again, and now, I don't panic anymore. I decided to try the Mahakea again, and that will be my last time ever using it...ANOTHER PANIC ATTACK.

I took a break for a week, then started up again with Nene and Mo'i. Since cutting out Mahakea, I have not had another panic attack!

Is it the balance of headiness and heaviness that gets to me? One of my first panic attacks was from a mixture of cocaine and Marijuana. I felt TOO aware (cocaine) of my incapacitation (Marijuana), and I felt trapped in my body. Like I wanted to DO something (cocaine) but since I was also high on Mary Jane, I couldn't function properly and it was very disturbing. Is this the same mental effect Mahakea gives?

 

[sɥɐʞɐs]

I think you're biggest problem is the snowball effect. You're apprehensive from the original coca/mj panic, so any time you take anything now you'll start giving yourself panic and putting yourself in a mindset that's more susceptible to falling down the hole. Now that you've snowballed with Mahakea, you're going go in to the experience more worried about it than others that you've tried and then make it true. Since it didn't happen with Borogu, you've become comfortable with it and you'll likely never have a problem with that strain.

There's always a chance that you might actually have a real aversion to one of the chemical components that is more prevalent in Mahakea than others cultivars. Through the years, I see some people react differently with different strains, sometimes positive, sometimes negative. Another thing to keep in mind is that Borogu is usually a bit more mild than Mahakea. Mahakea can be fairly potenent, especially if you take it while already buzzin from Mo'i. In my experience, I've had a couple over-stimmed panic attack type symptoms from kava...once from trying a new strain that just hit me surprisingly hard and quick, but it settled into the regular vibe after a while...and maybe a couple other times from drinking too strong too quickly.

If you wanna brave the Mahakea again, it sounds like you need to take it low and slow, to build your confidence about that cultivar. If you still have problems when you keep it mild, then maybe you really do have some biological intolerance to it...and that's when you can mail it on over to shakas.

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[Gerhardtschreiter]

Thanks for the answers so far, guys.

Another psychological thing I've noticed: I become anti-social and/or anti-phony from ALL kavas I've tried. I don't feel nervous to socialize like I usually do, but I also don't feel bad being unresponsive. I now feel totally comfortable being mute. I have always hated communicating with other people in person, but I did it anyway to feel accepted and liked. Now, I'm more true to myself. If I don't feel like speaking, I just don't. Months ago, I would've seen that as beyond rude and awkward/weird. Now, I'm okay with being mute. I was actually a mute when I was little and stuck completely to myself, until my mom and teachers told me it was "wrong" and forced me into social situations. But if being mute is actually my true nature, then thank you kava for helping me find my true self

Add: I believe my desire to appear "normal" to others was the main cause of my social anxiety. I would try to act like "normal" people act. But it was just that, an act. And when you're pretending to be someone else, sometimes you get performance anxiety. And naturally, since I was doing a poor imitation of other people, I would feel like a social failure...and I was. And I will always be a social failure because I'm not a social person. And now, I'm ok with that!

 

[Deleted User01]

There is nothing wrong with being a mute. If you have something very important to say, I'm sure you will say it. Just a nod of the head here and there can also speak volumes. You may not be a social person and that's also ok. Some people are social butterflies and others not so much. Definitely not anything to lose sleep over. I have found that Kava makes me a little more social, like alcohol does. But alcohol makes me say silly things so there is a case where being a mute would be waaayyyyyy better.

 

[Gerhardtschreiter]

UPDATE:
With a new attitude about panic and understanding how silly it is, I went ahead and tried the Mahakea again. At first I got some feelings of growing nervousness that I always get before panicking. But this time, I said to myself, "this is SILLY". I realized that the kava itself couldn't have just chosen ME to pick on in a world full of kava drinkers. It wasn't the kava, it was me.

So instead of fearing the feelings that were building up, decided to observe them. I felt the usual physical sensations I feel while panicking, but I simply didn't CARE anymore. I just laid back and watched them happen. Then, most likely because I wasn't paying the attack any attention, it went away in less than a minute. I was just buzzing from head to toe.

I'm not sure if it's the intelligent plant life in the kava itself that is fixing me, or just the fact that I've survived enough panic attacks that now I realized on my own that I was never dying in the first place. But either way, my whole attitude has changed since drinking kava.

 

[Deleted User01]

That's awesome man! And you saved yourself 500.00 at "Shrink Depot". You may have unlocked something major that will bode well for you going forward. I'm going to celebrate by doing another shell of Mo'i and toasting to your health.