Louie1957
WW
Heya! I have been reading and watching this forum for some time prior to recently joining. I have been suffering from anxiety since I can remember, unfortunately it wasn't diagnosed until around 2003. I have been on and off several prescription drugs, Buspar, Xanax, Lexapro, etc. Currently I take Xanax as sparingly as possible, as it makes me so slow at work. For nearly my entire life, I've juggled with the anxiety, although at the time, I didn't know what it was. I've tried prescription (and non prescription) drugs, therapy, yoga, meditation, self help books, Eckhardt Tolle, "living in the present moment"....however, sometimes the present moment is so overwhelming that I want to hide, jump off a bridge or just plain get drunk. There are days I seriously look around me and just cannot get my mind around it all. What the hell is happening? Where is my life going? I have all this money and stuff, but who cares? It's just stuff!
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I just got to the breaking point. Completely unadulterated by any substance, I just felt that I just couldn't do it anymore. I did some financial planning and was ready to just die. I'm a research nerd, so I researched it. I googled things like "when you just can't handle the anxiety anymore", "when xanax doesn't work" etc. And somehow, someway, I found you. I found @Deleted User, @Deleted User01, @Gourmet Hawaiian Kava (chris), @Kapmcrunk, @verticity (purple line guy), doug @Kavasseur, @Winpig, @roadhog, judd @Bula Kava House and more.... I just can't remember all of your handles.
I've been reading your opinions, your advice, your experiences, and even went back to before 2013 and found kavalounge.yuku (like I said, total research nerd...I am that person that will go through 100+ pages of a google search). And I want to thank you. I haven't tried any Kava yet. I almost ordered from KKF, since they popped up first in the google search... but I'm so glad that I did not after reading about everything. I ended up ordering some micro 11 year waka & instant kava from Judd at BKH, micro mahakea & kava chocolate (can't pass up CHOCOLATE ANYTHING!) from Chris at GHK and the kava kava candy (want something easy and discrete for work) from Ozia. I have yet to receive any kava products and it should all be delivered sometime next week.
I just wanted you all to know that I greatly appreciate everything you have built here. I finally do not feel so alone anymore. I hope kava works for me as it has for so many, but for the first time in my life, I realize I am not alone. I alone haven't been the only one in AA meetings thinking, "No, it's really not about the booze, but the anxiety." I am not alone in "having everything" and none of it matters when the anxiety takes over. I am not alone in "runaway thoughts that seem crazy to others, but make perfect sense to me". Just knowing that I am not as crazy as I first thought, and I am not alone relieved some anxiety!
So thank you again. I look forward to getting to know you (or maybe you getting to know me? as I feel like I know you all already, haha!). And I look forward to a solution to this life debilitating anxiety.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I just got to the breaking point. Completely unadulterated by any substance, I just felt that I just couldn't do it anymore. I did some financial planning and was ready to just die. I'm a research nerd, so I researched it. I googled things like "when you just can't handle the anxiety anymore", "when xanax doesn't work" etc. And somehow, someway, I found you. I found @Deleted User, @Deleted User01, @Gourmet Hawaiian Kava (chris), @Kapmcrunk, @verticity (purple line guy), doug @Kavasseur, @Winpig, @roadhog, judd @Bula Kava House and more.... I just can't remember all of your handles.
I've been reading your opinions, your advice, your experiences, and even went back to before 2013 and found kavalounge.yuku (like I said, total research nerd...I am that person that will go through 100+ pages of a google search). And I want to thank you. I haven't tried any Kava yet. I almost ordered from KKF, since they popped up first in the google search... but I'm so glad that I did not after reading about everything. I ended up ordering some micro 11 year waka & instant kava from Judd at BKH, micro mahakea & kava chocolate (can't pass up CHOCOLATE ANYTHING!) from Chris at GHK and the kava kava candy (want something easy and discrete for work) from Ozia. I have yet to receive any kava products and it should all be delivered sometime next week.
I just wanted you all to know that I greatly appreciate everything you have built here. I finally do not feel so alone anymore. I hope kava works for me as it has for so many, but for the first time in my life, I realize I am not alone. I alone haven't been the only one in AA meetings thinking, "No, it's really not about the booze, but the anxiety." I am not alone in "having everything" and none of it matters when the anxiety takes over. I am not alone in "runaway thoughts that seem crazy to others, but make perfect sense to me". Just knowing that I am not as crazy as I first thought, and I am not alone relieved some anxiety!
So thank you again. I look forward to getting to know you (or maybe you getting to know me? as I feel like I know you all already, haha!). And I look forward to a solution to this life debilitating anxiety.
& to the forums!! 
