Trying to teach Turkey how to make kava, need some advice.

[Roaddog]

Ok folks here's the situation. I have far too much time on my hands. I wanted to combine some of my greatest passions, Farming, and drinking kava. Well My logic was to teach the turkey, how to make my nightly kava. Well this may sound like an easy task. I promise you it is not. I knew the gunnies, and the chickens, had no hope. But I thought the turkey maybe could pull off a water grog. Well I would be wrong.

First before I get the cart before the horse, allow me to introduce you all, to my large male turkey named Joe Joe. Yes he is named after the Beatles song. Any who, has this thread quit reached the level of stupidity, I had hoped to achieve. Well if not, keep watching.

Second of all, A turkey has no fingers. Guess I didn't think of all that at the time, I decided to run out the door, with a camera and a blender. Anyway A turkey dose have 4 toes. Only 3 of which may be useful in the kava making process. It could be that my goal is simply unattainable. I have considered this to be a factor. But there must be something I can do.

Ever seen those chickens at the zoo, that will perform tricks for feed. Well that's the strategy I'm trying to achieve. Make kava, get grain. Make kava, get grain. A simple complete the task get a reward. Here is a few pictures of what I am dealing with. My question to all you folks is, How can I get Joe Joe the amazing kava making turkey. To preform his trick so he can get his reward. I mean should I starve him a little. That might be a bit cruel. But one must admit, this thread has potential.

I'm just saying a video of a kava making turkey, is the sort of thing that would go viral. Also it could shine some light on the science of kava. Like maybe for some odd random reason, some one may go, I should have a better understanding of kava science, simply from watching such a video.

Any who much to my dismay, I'm not even close to making such a video. Again I pose the question, how dose one even get started in trying to teach a Turkey how to make Kava? Furthermore how would one continue this action, over, and over. I'm really open to anything on this one folks. Much love. Roaddog.....

 

[ApéroNoble]

this is one of the most bizarre threads I've ever seen lol

 

[Roaddog]

this is one of the most bizarre threads I've ever seen lol

Thank you for your compliment. That was the response I was going for. Happy Kava Friday!!!!! But seriously you got any ideas? much love. Roaddog....

 

[sɥɐʞɐs]

haha...maybe if you get a whole flock of turkeys tied up to one of these:

or perhaps you'd have better luck just training the turkeys to violently attack any human that isn't already making you kava.

 

[kavadude]

It's Friday yall. If you don't understand what is going on here, you need to drink more kava.

 

[ApéroNoble]

It's Friday yall. If you don't understand what is going on here, you need to drink more kava.

or not as much

 

[Roaddog]

See @shakas I believe your getting the idea. @kavadude , Exactly, you need to drink more kava for this one to make sense.

 

[kavadude]

Maybe you need to reverse the order. Have you tried teaching the kava how to make a turkey?

 

[Roaddog]

Do you all notice he is eye balling it, in the first picture. Sort of Like WTF? Much love. Roaddog...

 

[sɥɐʞɐs]

Maybe you need to reverse the order. Have you tried teaching the kava how to make a turkey?

MIND ... BLOWN...

 

[Roaddog]

Maybe you need to reverse the order. Have you tried teaching the kava how to make a turkey?

Man, Kavadude, you are a thinker. That may be the best place to proceed. See proceeding is one of my beginning stumbling blocks, of course. Then there's everything after. Its a tough one. Well here is my wife and I going to plow a field. You get how we do things. my wife would kill me if she say this one. But I was under the impression any thing goes, on Friday night on the kava lounge.Much love. Roaddog....

 

[ApéroNoble]

turkey bottom right is jockeying for a kava keg stand

 

[Roaddog]

Sorry @Noueky , that one is actually a chicken. But never the less, I think you have the right idea. funny thing. I dump all my spent kava in the garden. Although they love my tomatoes, they don't touch the spent kava, even if I dump it out in front of them. I see your vision, though, that's for sure. Much love. Roaddog....

 

[ApéroNoble]

Sorry @Noueky , that one is actually a chicken. But never the less, I think you have the right idea. funny thing. I dump all my spent kava in the garden. Although they love my tomatoes, they don't touch the spent kava, even if I dump it out in front of them. I see your vision, though, that's for sure. Much love. Roaddog....

can't keep it all straight

 

[Roaddog]

yes @Noueky that video pretty much says it all. Now imagine watching a Turkey make his master kava. The other problem is, its pretty hard to do much with a Tom Turkey. They are pretty much all Hormones. But ya, great video. I remember that episode. Much love. Roaddog....

 

[Monkava'd]

@Roaddog Well let's see- First we have to get this butchered ancient saying out of the way with a little modern touches.
"Which came first in history, the turkey or the kava?"
To answer this we can deduce part of it by referencing just one of the myths/legends surrounding kava.
"There are legends which point out that the origin of kava came into notice when a Samoa-born girl left for Fiji to marry a chief. When she was coming back to Samoa, she saw two hillside plants of which one was being chewed by a rat. After chewing, the rat fell asleep. This very incident made the girl realize that the plants contain some comforting properties. This was kava. She decided to bring the plant with her to Samoa. In Samoa, these plants found a more congenial environment to grow. A chief from a nearby island took roots of these two plants with him in return of two eggs laying hens. Of the various legends, this is the most famous Samoan story which speaks about the growth of kava everywhere."
Okay so throw out the rest of the story and take a look at what I highlighted in bold "two eggs laying hens".
With this key piece of information we can surmise that because those two hens were birthed in the presence of kava then those hens must have been christened in the ancient practice of preparing noble kava to be drank by the chiefs ; but those hens must have been slightly reverted back to their primordial roots in order to do this.Because if you put A+B together chickens or turkeys cannot make kava without more then 3 toes riiiiggghtt?
This requires no further explanation and I believe through ancient ritualistic practices and help from extraterrestrial sources these turkeys were very intelligent and had 4 to 5 toes and so in saying that could've easily prepared kava.

Going even further they were likely revered as the highest beings in the village so they were referenced only as "gods" shortly after arrival and not as "hens".....you see where I'm going with this?
I.e this pic

Chicken god....your point is mute.

No?.....well who asked for your opinion anyways dag nabbit!?
Anyways getting back to my point here's proof of this primal reversion technique with a legitimate explanation called Atavism(https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atavism)
So if you could contact a scientist versed in the methodology and practices of performing primal reversion then maybe...just maybe you'd be capable of genetically modifying one of your chickens eggs to develop 3 extra fingers and a larger brain like I sited with the extraterrestrial help that the fijians may've been bequeathed and walla you have your kava making turkey or chicken.....but be advised, he must be respected as the new alpha of your property or no kava for you roaddog .
Wait it's Friday....and you know what that means everyone; I'm totally not serious.
Or am I?
Or maybe this answers your question better...

If not I'll say it again...

I think I rest my case.

 

[Roaddog]

Yes, @Monkava'd , I really don't know where to begin, but what a beautiful story. So glad someone could jump on here and add something so beneficial, out of something so Humorous. Thank you for that. You actually see my vision, and don't think I'm crazy. Anyway if I am crazy I'm kava crazy. I really felt that we needed a more humorous thread tonight. A celebration of sorts. I mean the Kava forums rock know. Due to all our Mods, hard work. Great job.

Also its interesting to see who will put there input in. I mean this thread really is like a cartoon. But I like cartoons too. Something a little out of the ordinary. I wanted to put some character into it. Imagine the kava Forums without a little character. You of all people know what I mean. Your proud of what you do proud of where your from. I am no different.

It Just so happens, I have lots of farm animals. This thread is more about me being proud, and wanting to share it. That's some tradition for ya there, sir. But I'm sure with a little love we can get Joe Joe to bartend Kava for us. I mean stranger things have happened. Much love. Roaddog....

 

[DylanJ]

You should also teach the turkey to be able to sniff out if the cultivar is noble or not

 

[sɥɐʞɐs]

You should also teach the turkey to be able to sniff out if the cultivar is noble or not

There's a turkey that will survive the holidays

 

[Roaddog]

There's a turkey that will survive the holidays

Ya, I agree, that would save him from the oven for sure. That's too cool. Much love. Roaddog....